wrapping things up.

"Twenty-oh-ten." That's how I remember you, 2010.
Twenty-eleven. Another year to count. I begin again.

I continue to write down the days until I return home.
To stay.

one less than three.

This final countdown is so exciting and yet the hardest I have ever embarked on. Never in my life have I had so much to do and so little time to do it in. There is no method to my madness; only madness to my method. I feel alone because I have to be in order to get my work accomplished.

My saving grace: 59 hours to go and I may melt into the headrest provided in the airplane, until I touchdown in Seattle.

I was once saying, "come quickly, December 17!" But now I feel I need more time. This is my exhaustion speaking; I will be coming home that day, no matter what!

Philippians 4:13 is my motto.

Psalms 145:18-19

“The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them."

This is what I long for; but I think, if I'm honest with myself, this is what I miss most of the time. The verse as a whole is excellent, but there is a dept to this verse -- an idea that builds upon itself.

Calling upon Him in truth is synonymous with fearing Him. If you do not approach His throne of grace with this attitude, you will not be saved and He will not hear your cry for help, no matter the urgency of your plight.

I think I could over simplify or over analyze this verse ... but basically, what strikes me most, is how quickly God will come to our aid if only we humble ourselves, humble ourselves before Him and render to him fear and obedience.

The desire of my heart is to follow Him all the days of my life.

roller coaster.

Today was such a good day.
- Woke up later than usual, so I got some good sleep in.
- Did some homework.
- Talked with my best friend and confidante. Got to see his face.
- Joined the celebration at the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended.
- I cried with joy.

Today sucked.
- Realized I still have 12 assignments between now and when I'm home in SIX days.
- Dealt with too many selfish people.
- Bitterly cried from the hurt caused by misunderstanding and unkind words.

I don't know how to fix the last part. But it's staining how I'm seeing my trip home and spending time with loved ones. Not with every loved one; just with a couple. Probably too much information, but I don't care.

I'm so overwhelmed and stressed out with school. This was the last thing I thought would happen and it makes me sad. I don't know how I'm going to finish my schoolwork.

oh hey, little blog ...

I was just thinking about updating my blog when I realized the sad fact that I really have run out of things to say in five short days. I think, possibly, the reason for this has everything to do with the accursed TPA2.

I have mentioned TPA stands for Teacher Performance Assessment, but I haven't mentioned that there are four different "assessments."

To me, the thing is bogus, but whatever.

I'm not in the mood for technicalities, so I'll flesh this out with a later edit. Tonight, I'm just TIRED.

so i was told.

When I began this TPA project, all I could think of was, get it done and get it out of the way. I'm not a fan of repeating myself.

TPA stands for Teacher Performance Assessment. Apparently, what you have to do for this assignment is "purposeful repetition" in order to prove overmuch that you know what you'll be teaching, that you'll actively participate in getting to know your students (despite the inordinate amount of children per classroom), that you'll know how to relate to the kids in a relevant way, and that you'll present content in a way that will engage students and provide them the incentive to become "lifelong learners." I was told this is what I needed to do to get a "4" (the highest score achievable).

Okay. Yes, this is my intent in teaching. However, asking the same question five times in a row in different ways is just a little tiny bit annoying. Not only that, but it also obliterates my desire to continue to write. If I've already said it and said it well the first time, why in the world would I want to reiterate the obvious? Because it's not obvious to you? Or because, like with math, you need "proof" that what's in my head is what I will use in the classroom to appropriately accomplish my teaching goals?

THIS ... this proofing nonsense ... is exactly why I hated Geometry. I thought it pointless; I always got the right answer, despite my "proof."

On a positive note:

I no longer have two of my classes; they have been canceled for next week.
I am done with observations; just have to fill out an obnoxious amount of forms about each hour.
The assignments are considerably less, as I've done a majority of them already.
My TPA is due on Monday; 2 days from now, I will be DONE with it.
Shenanigans until then.
At least 5 major assignments to go -- I don't have them in front of me for fear I will overwhelm myself :)

On a super positive note:

13 days to go ... less than two weeks!
I get to leave Cali and its dust behind on Dec 17.
I leave the fishbowl of Master's in that dust for the wet jungle of Washington.
I get to see and spend time with my family, my boy, my friends, and my pup for a couple wonderful weeks (first since AUGUST!) and Christmastime festivities!

YAY!

i love you.

Happy birthday to my sweet man!

16.

Happy very first day of December!
Wonderfully fine day to remember.

The friendships I've made here are
Some of the best, for whom I do care.

I miss home a bunch, I must confess;
Family and friends -- I am blessed!

homesick.

Missing Seattle, so what do I do?

Buy "10 Thing I Hate About You."


[Oh yes. That just happened.]

another look.

Okay, I'm officially done with everything.

18 days, 23 hours, 8 minutes to go
455 hours
27308 minutes

That is all.

19 days.

Coming down to the wire!
Countdowns:
1. Leave for HOME = 19 days
2. Christmas = 26 days

Big Assignments Due:
1. Teach a Class for Cal TPA credit, Nov 30 = 2 days
2. Teacher Performance Assessment (Cal TPA), due Dec 6 = 8 days
3. Unit 2, due ?? = ?? days (finals week)

Okay, as if that's not enough ... I have soooo much more due. The Cal TPA aside, all of the above require at least six hours of writing time a piece. I'm not sure how to determine the amount of time spent on that one. It's going to be intense. That's all I know!

Overview of "Smaller" but no less trivial Assignments Due:

ED400 (Foundations of Education)
1. Essay on Hour 12 of "Classroom Observation Project"
2. Final / Wrap up Essay for "Classroom Observation Project"
3. Lesson Simulation, due Dec 7 = 9 days

ED500 (Practicum)
1. Quiz, Dec 3 on Credential Manual and "backward design"
2. TPE checklist (standards for California teachers, basically)

ED520 / ED540 (Classroom Strategies)
1. Reading, 15 hours = write one page per hour
2. Observations, all 80+ must be accounted for = write one page per week and one page per teacher (if you see several teachers in a week, one page per teacher)
3. Website Reviews for Content Area Literacy
4. Presentation of Unit 2

Okay. This is exhausting. Good night :)

continued practice.

Here's what I have observed about incompetent teachers:

- Some classes are more quiet than others. This is not a bad thing. Teachers who are incompetent link "quietness" to "ineptitude" or lack of intellect. Teachers should never make reference to hopes of a "better gene pool" in next years' classes.

- Students enjoy classes when the content can be linked to things that interest them or are useful to them; if the actual benefit of the assignment is not clearly and explicitly stated, you will lose them to daydreams.

- Incompetent teachers cannot read body language correctly.

- Teachers who demonstrate incompetence forget that they don't know everything but are quick to tell you they do.

- Assignments should always be explained to the Nth degree, even when students are in college. By explained, I mean - if you, as a teacher, want to see certain information and formulas used in the production of a piece, don't assume the students know what's in your mind. Type it out, print it, distribute it.

- Competent teachers make sure to alert students to when they will be picking up assignments, in specific terms.

** To be added to in the future.

what i'm learning ... part 3.

You do a lot of self evaluation as a teacher. This is something I'm learning to do more often. It's kind of neat to see what kind of progress has occurred between postings. Although ... sometimes I cannot see the cloud through the rain.

I feel like I just crawled out from under a rock.

This week just felt really off, you know?

Despite all that happened, however, I cannot complain. God got me through. He always does! I have had worse weeks.

There are times when I get kind of sad, thinking about what I'm missing at home while I'm here. But I am then reminded of all the amazing opportunities that God has opened up for me here -- especially learning curves: new ways to communicate with others and how to love those who make themselves unlovable.

My conclusion is thus: when God breaks you, it's always for your benefit.

blurt.

Ugh. Really?

Some people have no shame.

a slight deviation from "normal" posts ...

But then, who's to say what's normal, right?

Usually I would refrain from such a post, but I really cannot help myself. It's all YouTube's fault. If YouTube suggests something with five starts and over 9 thousand views, chances are I'll check it out. If the title is in reason.

The point of this post is the song's lyrics -- if songs and rap are synonymous. *(They aren't! In case you were wondering). If you don't want to watch the video, then don't. It's merely here for a taste of what the lyrics sound like.

"Go Hard or Go Home" Lecrae (feat. Tedashii)

Lyrics:

Go Hard or Go Home

Lord Use Me Up

Lord, kill me if I don’t preach the Gospel.

I’m still in my twenties – but I’ll die if I got to

Already dead – so forget my flesh –

I done been crossed over see the full court press

I’m a full court mess if the Lord don’t use me

Running from my trials thinking everything’s groovy

If the Cross don’t move me, then I don’t wanna breathe no more –

If I ain’t seeing Christ, partner, I don’t wanna see no more –

Rep every day without worrying about bruising

I been to China man, I seen some real persecution

If you didn’t know Him would your life look the same,

Can they tell you value Jesus by the way you rep His name?

Man, what’s the point of living – if I’m living for myself?

Lord empty out my life before I put you on the shelf

So for God – I go hard – I don’t wanna die tonight

It’s too many people living who ain’t heard about my Christ

Go Hard or Go Home

Went to Asia – had to duck and hide for sharing my faith;

They tell me, “water it down” when I get back to the States

They say, “tone the music down; you might sell a lot a records”

But it’s people out here dying and none of them heard the message

Took my wifey on a mission trip (to) Central America;

Shared her testimony – forty people stood and stared at her –

When she said Jesus, (you) should’ve seen – it was insane!

Cause forty out of forty never heard of Jesus’s name

Ah man, we ain’t focused on the war, we just kicking it –

Worried about our image and our space up on the Internet

Take me out the game, Coach, I don’t wanna play no more –

If I can’t give it all I got and leave it out there on the court

Thank you for the grace, for the will and the desire

Got me living for your glory instead of living to retire

But I pray I’ll never tire of going hard for Messiah

I don’t need no motivation – you’re the reason I’m inspired.

Go Hard or Go Home

That’s what it is, that what it mean

That mean that we should be out up in ok streets

Not just in houses with our Bibles, summarizing what we read –

Man this ain’t deep, why we ain’t doing what we read?

It’s like we sleep – but sinners sleepwalk when they sleep!

So why can’t we, the redeemed of the Lord,

Act out what He said, and make a scene for the Lord?

Action-cut, say what, like we was the director?

But you better get a grip like movie sets and get to stepping

I know you done it – and heard it all

You was going hard for the Lord before you heard this song

But don’t play yourself to save yourself – and walk in fear

Scripture’s like a mirror – the Truth is closer than it appears.

I'll let this speak for itself.

whatever floats your boat.

I have a cousin who is "living life under a code that says every path is the right path, in a world where only one path is accepted."

I'm under the impression the opposite is true.

He wants to know the reason I say this.


i peter 3:15.

"In your hearts, set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect."


true north.

The world says that any and every path is the right path to take, which is rather confusing. I mean, who's to say what "right" means if we're all following ourselves?

God says that there is only one true path -- like there's only one true North. It's through Him alone. He is true North.

not a fan.

I have severe writer's block.

I think it's because I write too much.

On here.

Oops.

Today's news:
Quickly getting nothing done.

you didn't vote?

Then you have willingly given up your voice until the next election.

In other words, you cannot talk about politics unless you have participated in them. (You don't have to be a snaky, sneaky politician to participate in the political world. In the US, we have the privilege to vote for representatives. Whether they do their job or not is another question entirely.)

It's just that simple.

Why, then, do non-voters pretend to care about political matters and measures?

Why give us your opinion if you are not going to use your privilege as a US citizen to vote and thereby appropriately voice this opinion?

People have died to maintain this privilege; other people have crossed boarders so their children may have this privilege.

Clearly, Americans take freedoms for granted on a day-to-day basis.

In fact, the right to vote -- the privilege of electing representatives/etc. and accepting or rejecting measures brought up in legislature -- is the right that US citizens are most apathetic about. Yet it sets the stage for the rest of our "rights" under US law.

Elect the wrong guy and your nation could turn on its head, from capitalism to socialism. Haven't we already seen the effects?

Then again, perhaps one vote doesn't count.

Remember in college or high school, when you had a question for your instructor (but you were too cool / ashamed to ask it in front of everyone else), and then someone braver than you asked the very same question out loud! In front of the whole class! Whoa, impressive! And then, you had your answer?

Voting is like that. Other people share your thoughts / your positions, but think they won't be heard or are above voting for one reason or other, and so they don't vote. At all. How effective that is, I'm not quite sure.

A friend of mine, who has quickly grown liberal while attending the same public ivy league school I recently graduated from, posted an article on his Facebook wall. Yeah, I Facebook stalk. No big. In it, one of The Economist writers quips, "The stakes of November: It doesn't matter that much" (article: http://www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2010/10/stakes_november?page=1). Now, I could go into depth on this one but here's the main gist: "It's okay if conservatives take over the House and Senate, little worried children. It's not going to change anything; we still win through brute force." Oh honey, if only you knew what you were talking about.

Look. All I'm trying to say is, if you want your voice to count -- yes, even with "one measly vote" that "doesn't matter that much" -- then VOTE. It's not that hard. If you're in Washington, you have no excuse: there is a mail-in ballot. It's pure laziness NOT to vote.

In the end, if you don't use your privilege and vote, you don't get represented. And no one else will care to hear your opinions either. Me included.

End rant.

rossi.

So. Where I'm from, in Washington, there's an election being held right now. Points are being charted as we speak. Sooner or later, the scores will be drawn.

What I'm hoping for is some real change. I'm tired of the same shenanigans that we've blindly accepted in the last ... well, how many terms HAS Murray served? And by "we" I mean, Washingtonians as a whole. Who clearly are blind.

You'd have to be to base your vote for someone solely on their contribution to the GLBT agenda. Since this is what the news media has jumped on, I will too. What else has she done? Give me some proof-positives of her other contribution(s) that have improved the situation in Washington in the last two years.

How supporting the GLBT agenda benefits the entire state of Washington is a mystery. If you can shed some light on the subject, feel free to comment (scroll to the end of this entry). You may do so anonymously, if you wish to.

Side Note:: To me, the GLBT agenda falls under a type of religion. Argue what you will, they have a belief/beliefs they are pushing on others and require tolerance be given them -- if not outright acceptance.

It's time for Murray to GO.

There should be a cap on how many consecutive terms a person may serve. It's ridiculous.

I think it worked back in the day because the life expectancy rate was so much lower. But I guess, that would be the down side of a prospering health care industry ...

maturity.

Some events in my life have lead me to read I Corinthians 13:11 with fresh eyes.

intro

I have read the verse before. Thought I understood it in context. This time, when I read it ... well. "Chide" is a good word to describe how I got what I did out of it. The verse, which I originally believed only applied to others (and not to me), convicted me. I need to further analyze my behavior at all times and on all levels -- to include not only group settings and interactions with others individually, but also in my thought life.

side note.

Behavior? I realize this could get dicey. It's fairly obvious what "behavior" entails: action. Basically, what you think, say, and do in any given situation.

Easy enough, right? Yeah, but hard to control. After all, humans have a sinful nature that tries to call the shots.

seeking wisdom

Maturity is something that comes not only through advance in years but also through wisdom. Since wisdom comes from fearing God alone (Proverbs 1:7), couldn't a person be mature beyond his or her years? Have you ever read I Timothy 4:12?

Okay. Yes, I confess. That was a rhetorical question. Now I feel guilty; I have to explain myself. In this verse, Paul is instructing his young pupil Timothy, "Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe." Despite your youth, Timothy, you can darn well be a leader in the faith.

And later on Paul chides, "Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all. Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you."

If you don't think other people pay attention to the way you present yourself, let this be a lesson! Sometimes other people pay closer attention than you do.

action?

*Everything* you think, say, and do is a reflection of what you believe and demonstrates your convictions in this life to a watching world.

For Christians, what we do and say is a reflection of Christ in us. We need to be mindful of our presentation, cautious in our approach. Our actions and words need to match, as they speak volumes about our values and Who we ascribe honor to. You could draw a similar correlation to marriage here, where the husband and wife only do and say what they know will benefit and honor the other person.

maturity

"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."
- I Corinthians 13:11-12

I find it interesting that this verse falls after the discussion on "love." Maybe it's the English major in me that enjoys analyzing. Maybe it's just that I want to know more ... but doesn't it seem to imply that to know True Love is to mature into a "man"?

I don't think I'm going out on a limb here.

To love God is to grow in Him, right? Thus, it is for us to truly love God (as described in I Cor 13) and to seek His wisdom after Him (I Cor 13:11). Yes, this means to obey Him.

closing thought

Where does this leave you and I? With a choice.

"Though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant --"

Have you ever been on a liquid diet? I was on one for a month (I had mandibular surgery in 2005). I lost weight and muscle tone like no one's business. Liquid meals aren't quite satisfying. They are designed to sustain and provide nutrition value, but are never sufficient. Bench-warming at church is like this.

"--But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about Christ, let us press on to maturity ..."
- Hebrews 5:12-6:1.

This I write not for my reader alone, but also as a reminder for myself. At work, at school, and so on. It's a choice to serve the Lord. May He be pleased with our thoughts, the words we choose to speak, and our actions today and in the weeks to come.

breathe.

Welcome, fleeting August --
You are not my favorite. True, we have had our times ... but they are not in California.

Welcome, hot September,
With your clear blue skies and drenched-in-sweat nights. I cannot say I've missed you.

Welcome, dear October,
If we never meet again, I can guarantee my smile would never end. Let's not be friends.

Welcome, cool November!
You are the crisp nights and starry skies I've been dreaming of. But you're just not right.

Welcome, lovely December --
You are sweet cold wet rain on my window pane. Cozy and happy to be home in Seattle.

Welcome, early January,
And welcome new year. Another plane ride brings me back, 1000 miles from my love.

Welcome, cold February,
With your uncanny fingers of spring and shadow. May the sun shine to drown loneliness.

Welcome, sweet March --
You are welcome indeed, even through the harried business that will ensue. Home calls.

Welcome, lively April ...
Another assignment in a land far away. The light at the end of the tunnel beckons me.

Welcome, darling May!
You are the hopeful light. Summer is but a breath away, and until then will I breathe.

george washington.

"It is the duty

of all nations

to acknowledge

the providence

of the Almighty God

to obey His will

to be grateful for His benefits

and to humbly implore His protection and favor."

what makes me genuinely happy.

You know what it's like to have someone "get" you?

And I'm not talking about the day-to-day things.

I'm talking about deep things, things of importance. And not only that, but this person can put those things in their own words and you know that 1) they were listening, 2) they know what you mean, 3) they're on the same page as you?

Well, that's what I mean by "get."

And love, you get me.

I thank God every day for you.

eleven and eight.

Eleven weeks.

Is just enough to make me go crazy.
Has made me realize just how much I miss home.
But I realize ... I haven't hated my time here.

Eight weeks.

Actually let's make that 7 weeks, 4 days, and 8 hours.

follow the yellow-brick road.

I am modern-day Dorothy:

Swept into a whirlwind of activity,
Swear I've lost my sense of direction.
Some wonder if I will stay in Cali,
So many have forgotten I love home.

But ruby slippers I have not.

If only I could find a pair of these.
I found out the only substitute presently
Can be, for all Starbucks employees,
Can be my loverly black pleather flats.

There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.

Seattle,
believe me.

I am on
my way soon.

Mother, I cannot wait for hugs and your amazing cooking.
Dad, we have a coffee date (or three, if not four) awaiting!

My sweet friends, laughter and late nights are on their way!
My dearest boyfriend, only fifty-three more days to go (yay)!

news from socal.

People problems.

You know, problems with the boss ... well, perhaps not the boss but rather, her perspective of me, per what she's heard through talking with others.

My question: who in the world is she talking to?

Everyone I know likes me. With the exception of two people. Who didn't like me from the beginning for whatever reasons. Maybe because I challenge them. The others? Either they love me .... well, they may not love me, but they at least like me enough to tolerate me.

Whatever the case, if my assessments are correct, I know exactly who is rocking my boat.

We'll see tomorrow if her accusations hold water or if they are mere assumptions.

I'm going with mere assumptions.

it is well with my soul.

when peace like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
it is well, it is well, with my soul.

it is well, with my soul,
it is well, with my soul,
it is well, it is well, with my soul.

though Satan should buffet, though trials shall come,
let this blessed assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed His own blood for my soul.

my sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
my sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul!

for me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
if Jordan above me shall roll,
no pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

but Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
the sky, not the grave, is our goal;
oh, the trump of the angel! oh, voice of the Lord!
blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

and Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul!

(Horatio Spafford)

what makes me genuinely angry.

a smallish introduction.

In the past, I would let things get to me, eat me up, boil away under the surface and not take care of them until, at the last second --

<<<>>>

Massive explosion of hate, grudges, and bitter tears, followed by weeks (if not months or years) of patching things up and making things "right."

Not pleasant, let me tell you.

I have found, through careful observation of how others much wiser than me deal with stressful situations, it's much better to deal with these things head-on.


dealing with things.

My favorite way of "dealing with things" is as follows. It is a three-step process and must be adhered to strictly in order to achieve desired results.

Step 1: Immediately after encountering said "things," seek after God and His wisdom, for from Him alone come knowledge and understanding.

Step 2: Approach said "things" with His love, pouring coals on their heads, etc., with the mindset that in everything I do, I must seek to honor the Lord.

Step 3: Write it out. All of it.


step 3.

Since all the above are mandatory, I will commence in writing about one thing that truly, genuinely makes me angry.

A good, sweet friend of mine is presently going through a tough time. She has been seeing this guy for a while. Someone she (unfortunately) met at a bar, a little while after breaking up with her boyfriend/fiance of ten years. This dude seemed nice at first, as if he had things put together, and the two shared a few months of dating bliss together.

And then, things got sour.

He lied. He cheated on his wife with her. My friend found out and was hurt, but made allowances for his actions. They continued their sick affair. He broke his marriage off. She stuck around, not realizing by doing this, she fell in his eyes. Now he uses her ... for money and transportation ... all the while, telling her "I love you" to keep her interested.


where the anger comes to play.

What kills me is, my friend will bend over backward for this man who cares nothing for her. She does not see that he is using her. Or if she does, she does not mind because they "share such good friend-chemistry."

You all know what I'm talking about, right? Friend-chemistry is when there's tension between the two of you caused by some type of attraction. This can be awkward for some "couples" in which one of the people involved does not or cannot reciprocate.

Speaking from personal experience, awkward friend-chemistry is just that. Awkward. And, without fail, painful.

1) It makes me angry to see this man using my friend. That he has the gall to disrespect her and dishonor her, yet tell her it's all in love. This is not love. See 1 Corinthians 13.

2) It makes me angry to see my friend constantly throwing her passions, her energies, her life, at his feet only to have them trampled by his selfishness. He is a pig. See Matthew 7:6.

3) It annoys me that she talks with me about these things and I am only able to give sound advice and pray for her eyes to be opened to the Truth. Which is exactly what I should be doing. It's up to GOD to point her in the right direction.


confession time.

I have some experience here. Let me assure you, it is NOTHING I am proud of. I made a horrible choice three years ago to embark in a relationship that was neither God-honoring nor conducive in reaching my aspirations. I held on for dear life as my life quickly spiraled out of control and took me in an emotionally-exhausting, physically-taxing, spiritually-draining journey away from God. Constant migraines assaulted me. People I cared deeply for eventually stopped confronting me about inconsistencies they saw evident in my life, because I would argue and fight back. I found it easy to play the fool and not listen. Even with the evidence clearly before my eyes, I silently wondered why my family pulled away from me.

In my case, however, the Lord was *more than* gracious to me. He pulled the stops from my ears and, as I listened to my family and friends, I realized my terrible mistakes and their impact on those around me. Proverbs 5:1.


for my friend.

Girl, I don't know if you'll ever find this. I don't know if you will ever get the chance to read what I have written. I only know, if you continue down the path you are taking, your world will continue to turn upside down. That's a fact.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it." Matthew 7:13

See, the world offers all these great things -- just like this guy does -- but in the end, there's nothing gained. Little by little, you let the dreams you once held dear slip away. Desperation sets in. This gate is too easy to slide through. The "narrow gate" is different. Tough to get through. It comes with heartache, yes, but also a life full of realized dreams. A life not tainted by "if I'd only"s. This is a life without regret.

The world is full of girls like you, girls like me ... hungry for love ... girls who do not know or recognize their value and so, fall for truly broken men. The man you think you love has nothing for you. He will continue to suck the life out of you until nothing remains but a shadow of the girl you once were.

There is only one Man who can offer you the fulfillment you desire. One Man who can satisfy your deepest needs. One Man who can look into your soul, clear out all the cobwebs and skeletons, and make you whole again, if only you let him inside. It's scary. It hurts. But the rewards are endless.

That Man is Christ. He will not let you stumble nor fall, he will uphold you, he will direct your steps. He knows you are beautiful because he made you. He loves you to death -- to his death on the cross for your sins and mine -- to redeem you, to give you hope, to give you a future. To give you life eternally.

I know you're not strong enough to go this alone. I wasn't either. I'm here for you. More importantly, God is here for you. Seek the Lord while he may be found, call on him while he is near (Isaiah 55:6).

Whether you do or do not, I will be praying for you.

Can I just say ..

How wonderful it is to have support, even if from a thousand miles away?

Shout out to family, friends, boyfriend, inspirational teachers, and loving puppy dog ... all the way from lowly Santa Clarita, California. Love to you all!

what i am learning ... part 2.

I am learning things about me.

1. One of the bigger problems I have with myself is managing stress. I stress frequently and forget to decompress.

As most sane people know and understand well, stress can be caused by several situations. And can always lead to more headache or heartache than it's worth. Stress is horrible and I've been doing it often. About little things, about big things. Doesn't matter the size; and it's like an addictive. If I don't notice myself slipping into that habit, then I'm not actively checking my behavior and everything else follows. Bitterness and anger are just byproducts of my inadequacy.

Putting a check on behavior. Doesn't happen in my own strength; this is something I had to learn (and am continuing to learn) through the prompting of the Holy Spirit. If I don't remain in Him on a day-to-day basis, you better bet I choose my own way, nine times out of ten!

2. When under stress, I forget things.

Like, tomorrow's midterm and presentation. Oh dear. Praise the Lord in all things -- I was able to finish the idea for my presentation, which is what I absolutely must have in order to feel confident in front of everyone in class. I abhor being ill-prepared! Substitute teaching may not be cut out for me, haha.

3. When I forget things and then remember I've forgotten them, all kinds of havoc breaks loose.

This time, it was better because I figured out the root of the problem, but in past times ... I'm like a pot ready to boil over! Watch me blow some steam and get back at it. It's kind of embarrassing, actually.

Edit: 7 Oct, 2am. Alright. Bedtime it is for this chick.

what to do, what to do?

When the apartment is overwhelmed with hyenas ... I recommend leaving for a quieter place. Or buying a good pair of earplugs, in case you want to sleep. These may only be of use on weekends, however. Sleeping through A.M. alarms designated for school days is not recommended practice.

CRAP.

C - can I get a witness?
R - research papers are not that fun.
A - and I have one due tomorrow.
P - perhaps someone wants to write it for me?

:)

EDIT : I was joking ...

worldviews.

For a group of professed Christians, they were uninformed. I was appalled, really.

Did you really not know what Postmodernism or the Humanist Manifesto are?

That's what was on my mind the entire class period. Goodness, I sat in on a 'secular' classroom in which the teacher was instructing kids on Christianity. In seventh grade.

Now that our world is moving past that and onto the next best thing, it might help to get a clue!

the view from my window.

Four adjectives describe it.

Flat, brown, dry, overpopulated.

But oh!

The sunset is beautiful.

contemplation.

When there is so much to do and so little time,

I try not to think about how much I miss home.

...The very clouds beckon me
Awake in me a desire to leave
...And into my mind, I flee
But I stop, because I believe

To do so would be to waste time -- and it's short

Time here is expensive and if I miss the mark ...

...Anything less than a "B"
And I do not pass the test
...Regardless of my excuses
Means I did not do my best

I want to do well and live well and eat well --

Wait a minute, where did all that extra time go?

...Here I am, contemplating
Struggling here, a bit --
...Wondering what I'm doing?
How-to on time management

When I return home, like a flood the joy for me!

So thankful that Los Angeles is not my home city.

...Not only will I see you
My family, church, and friends
...Fall in love with Seattle, too
My heart yearns toward this end.

what i am learning ... part 1.

I have learned that being stoic only lasts for so long for me. I need to be more aware of my attitude and stress levels during the week to avoid a catastrophic landslide of emotion.

Actually, whoa. Let me backtrack.

Being stoic implies that I figured whatever was happening in my life, well, I could handle it on my own. On my own. On my own. Get it? As if it's all about me. Always has been, if I'm honest.

But it can't be about me. Can. Not. Ever. Why am I here, doing what I'm doing? Why am I even living? I have no purpose in and of myself. Life makes no sense without a purpose. What is the purpose then, but to love and to serve the Almighty God? Are you not quite with me? When else does anything make sense, I ask you. Why love, why fight, why learn, why think, why discover? The list goes on, my friend. There must be a purpose. And without an infinite God, without absolutes, there is nothing you can rely on.

Today was one of those days that didn't start right and ended poorly.

I stayed up too late the night before, a direct result of too much caffeine intake at work that morning. An unhappy bout of sleep followed thereafter and I woke this morning on the wrong side of bed. With a migraine. My fault!

Secondly, I felt nauseous. A direct result of said migraine. Stayed home from attending church -- poor choice number two. Instead, watched last week's sermon online about pride. Migraine intensified because of poor lighting in my room. Bad attitude followed thereafter and I counted all the ways I had had enough of Santa Clarita until work. At noon. Apparently that sermon was lost on me!

Third, I started my shift with an even poorer attitude, a direct result of noting my misfortunes (a general air of "woe-is-me") in this arid Californian valley. And the day got better when the health department arrived at work for a surprise visit; we were vastly unprepared. Anger followed thereafter. I knew what needed to change two weeks ago but had not been able to convince anyone -- until then. I fought to hold back tears and bitter words. Poor choice number three: kept them alive under the surface.

Took a walk and called my sister to clear my thoughts and gain better perspective. After such a day, I didn't want to have company over later, but we had promised. My bitter words fell on her ears -- poor choice number four. I apologized but I felt terrible. And it wasn't because of the caffeine I had ingested a few hours prior.

Feeling sorry for myself -- poor choice number five.

You know your attitude affects everything you think, say, and do? Well, it does.

I've heard, "Attitude is contagious -- is yours worth catching," many times but had never applied it to my life until today. I mean, really taken a step back to look in the mirror, examine myself honestly, and come to ugly conclusions. How in the world does God put up with me on a daily basis??

Sure, I could blame my attitude on the caffeine. I could even blame it on the health department.

But that would be dismissing the fact that I was in the wrong, that I made choices that were neither God-honoring nor pleasant to witness.

I pray those directly affected by my attitude will forgive me. I have many shortcomings and quite a few were put on display today for all to see. I am embarrassed and incredibly humbled by my inability to share the love of Christ with others. How can they see Him when they're only seeing me act like a spoiled two-year-old?

I'm reminded of a sermon I heard a week ago from Nehemiah 9. It centered around Confession. I am confessing to you right now: my God is a compassionate, kind, gracious, and merciful God ... who in His righteous anger should crush me but instead has offered me a challenge to grow and be molded into the woman He wants me to be, painful though the process may be.

He has never, nor will He ever, abandon me in my weakness. He has never forgotten me. He provides me with friends who give sound advice (Ecclesiastes 5:9-10). He holds me to account, yet He forgives me when I seek Him (Psalm 5:3, 11, 12). He gives me strength for tomorrow and courage to face each new day. He is faithful to provide me with what I need. He holds each and every aspect of my life together. Even the little things (Colossians 1:15-17). I know I can trust Him fully, even through the trials of life (James 1).

I wish I didn't have a selfish tendency and finite memory.

the curse of the youth.

Immaturity reigns.

Why don't young adults vote? Why do they instead value playing video games until their eye sockets cry out for lack of sleep? Why do they insist on behaving as typical junior high students do? Why do they consistently reach for what is easiest to attain? Why do they skip morning church to sleep in, or attend evening church for free coffee? Why don't they listen to instruction or participate in meaningful debate? Why do they discuss what is inappropriate and cling to the controversial? Why is it okay to be stupid and silly, but not respectful and polite? Why do I always feel uncomfortable around young adults who behave rudely? Why travel in large groups unless you realize your insignificance can only be surmounted by a gathering of other insignificant people? Why measure yourself with others and act like fools? Why do adults cheer these actions on, as if they are endearing and cute?

Is it possible that the youth are being inundated with inanity? I would answer in the affirmative.

Screaming is for junior high kids, not for graduates of high school.

It truly is embarrassing to watch.

If you ever wonder why I am a proponent for homeschooling, look at this list. I cannot think of one instance, after junior high, when I acted like this in public. Sure, I had my moments in the privacy of my parents' home ... but they were not condoned.

When I was young, I acted like a child (I Corinthians 13:11).

I am no longer a child. I have left childish things behind me.

a toast to a new day.

To any who wonder what's been going on here, in my little corner of the world, the time has come to start something new.

What is new?
- I have moved to Santa Clarita / Valencia, in southern California, where the sun bakes the pavement, the wind blows hot as Hades, and the ocean breezes are an hour away. It is a different world.
- I am about to start classes which will enable me to teach English in both public and private junior high and high schools. Quite a learning experience, let me tell you! And a lot of paper. But that's just the half of it.
- I will be renting a three bed, two bath apartment with five other girls, of whom one is my little sister. It has been a while since I have shared a room with anyone; and a longer time since my sister and I have shared a bunk bed. I'm looking forward to spending that time with her, in bittersweet fashion, since she will be a married woman in less than a year's time.
- I have completely let go of the headache resulting from an unhealthy relationship in my past, which threatened to destroy what God had worked in my heart for a long time to create. God has shown me what remains, although broken and battered, is a diamond in the rough ... the process to perfection has and will continue to be painful, but I give my life to His capable hands. His will is all that matters.
- I have subsequently found myself embarking on another journey altogether, one which will be shaped and altered as well as assuredly strengthened and challenged through distance. It will, Lord-allowing, reach the best conclusion but in this journey, I am not alone. Rather, I find myself blessed with someone I know I can trust fully and completely. Yes, might be a double positive, but it's the right kind of double positive.

This is, until later, what's new!
May God's blessing not only manifest itself in each big decision you make but also be found in the cracks and in the crevices of your life.

He alone is worthy of our praise :)

beautiful life.

How often and how quickly life alters course.

It never ceases to surprise and invigorate me!

when it's not okay.

Have you ever been in a situation where the guilt trip was layered on thick and you felt you had no choice but to run?

I have been in such a place.

I have felt such a rub.

I have fled such a scene.

And I'd do it again. I would do it again.

turning the other cheek.

When someone you thought you could trust turns on you, what do you do?

First, confront them in love. Be peaceable and understanding, slow to anger. Furthermore, pour coals of goodness and mercy, grace and humility on their head.

Do not strike back -- this is exactly what is expected. Human nature would have us relate to one anther in whiplash fashion, eager to pull and prod each other into a never-ending struggle of wills. Which is fine, if you're in an actual battle with swords and cunning. Someone must always be the victor. Except, in this case, you both lose.

- Matthew 7:1-5

- Romans 12:20

- Matthew 18:15-17

- Proverbs 18:21

- Luke 6:29

hebrews 12:10-11

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.

Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

simple joys in life.

Hannah -- How old are you?

Me -- I'm twenty-two. How old are you?

Hannah -- I'm five! (Shows me with her fingers.)

Ten minutes later ...

Hannah -- Are you an uh-dalt?

Me -- An adult?

Hannah -- Yeah, are you?

Me -- I guess so! (I smile at the question.)

Hannah -- (Big beaming smile, truly excited:) Coooool! I'm friends with an adult!!

Thought in passing ...

... is it possible to be both "liberal" and Christian at the same time?

heavy heart and a cup that runneth over.

I am at a point in my life where the East has met the West. An impossible moment that challenges my faith even as it punishes me in my insolence. Truly, my days are not my own. I wish sometimes that I had the power to do as I will -- but believe me, the final consequences are much too grim for me to commence traveling such a road.

who i am.

Who I am ... is defined only through my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.

I believe I mentioned about a month ago that I would embark on a personal statement as to my life and how my relationship with Christ is one based on reality -- not a fiction to be called into question as hearsay.

Objectifying ones own past has its challenges, thus my tardiness in response. But I believe that an answer slapped haphazardly together for the benefit of a reader does not equally benefit the writer; if I am to correctly establish the reasons for why I believe what I believe, it requires my rapt attention to detail.

Lately, the situations of my every day life have become a problem, a heavy weight about my shoulders, causing me distraction and ultimately besetting my finishing this project. Though these have not diminished, I will press on.

Here will I commence :

Before I do so, however, I want to give the Lord thanks for his faithfulness and enduring love, which has seen me through the darkest portions of my young life and have showered me with every good thing. May his Name be known upon the earth!

Okay, here goes.

My name is Dominique Joelle Kandt. My story is just beginning. I will drop in from time-to-time to communicate His goodness in my life. If you pay attention close enough, you will see each detail unfolding slowly. As a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, I am beginning each day. Anew.

my hope.

My hope is in the Lord
This is all I know --
To Him alone will I hold.

When all else fails me
Still His love,
He stretches about me.

Life's trials frighten and
Confuse me deeply --
Thru Him alone I stand.

can i just say this ...

Being as I am now, in the midst of figuring out my future, how can I depart to think on another chapter of my life? Will I ever necessarily be fully satisfied with what life brings my way, with its powers to bend and shape, or will I eventually become the bitterness I was once afraid harbored itself in my soul? Or can I -- resolved at the last -- rise above my inconsistencies, chance on a moment, and soar?

Time will tell.

I know I'm in a different place than where I wish I was. Could I have been better off if I knew myself from myself at the beginning? Perhaps. But is that not the reason we attempt to fly in the first place? Attempts and victories are two vastly different things.

No, I am happy to be where I am. I am honored to do what I do. I am excited for a new chapter in my life, one to expand upon and enjoy. I am joyful and content to serve where I am able. Glad I am me; that's what I should have been all along. How many struggle to that end? What can I say? I will only say this:

It is only in failing we succeed to discover ourselves.

It is only in Christ we find true joy and contentment.

intermission.

Hello, faithful followers

Whoever you might be

Yes! The layout is brand new

I haven't been on here

In a while, apologies

... Working on an essay

And it's due on Monday morn

I will get back on, after

And finish up all my thoughts

7, 6, 7, 6, 7, 6, 7 ...

Yep, that is all I got.

my testimony, His grace

In the Old Testament, Creator God spoke to His chosen people through the prophet Jeremiah, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." My God has redeemed me, he has summoned me by name; I am His. Nothing can tear me from His hand nor separate me from His unconditional agape love. The Lord who made heaven and earth knows me as His own, and through His merciful goodness, I have eternal life. He sent His only Son to earth as a living sacrifice to mend the eternal wound and bring me to glory through the cleansing power of the Lamb. Redeemed, I am set free from the bonds of sin through the death and bodily resurrection of His Son and my Savior, Jesus Christ. "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us" (Ephesians 1:7). Through His Son, I have the promise of eternal life. My Lord is faithful and true. When my mother was widowed, he became my Daddy and the Provider of all our needs. Who can measure the love of the Lord? I am convinced His grace is sufficient, His burden is light, and His promises are everlasting.

dear anonymous ...

(In a while I will share my story, so you may more fully understand how I have come to my conclusions. I have quite a few things going on at present, but will return by next week with the later portion of my response.)


Intolerance.

First let's start here: intolerance.

As defined in the dictionary, intolerance indicates "a lack of toleration, an unwillingness or refusal to tolerate or respect contrary opinion or belief, persons of different race or background, etc."

With no less consideration did you treat me.

Examination of fact versus subjectivity, as taught in the university setting, has clearly taught you to question truth -- whether in 'caps' or not -- at every angle possible, in an attempt to uncover what lies beneath. While I applaud you in your determination, I must also caution you against submerging yourself in the teachings of another. Objectivity is hard to find on a college campus (anywhere, actually).

We are a people driven by past experience, in many respects.

What I find most troubling, however, is the amount of intolerance you would assign to me and others who call themselves Christians. I wonder if, at any time during our friendship, you ever felt I "looked down" on you or declined to understand the values you feel most strongly about? If I may be faulted for praying for you, then I gladly accept the accusation. I did little else.

In taking offense to my remarks (to the extent of writing me off as a friend), you yourself have fallen prey to intolerance.


Of Christianity & the Government.

How has Christianity infringed on government in the United States? I need not remind you, our nation was colonized by self-professed believers in the unseen God. The United States has prospered because its core values and design were originally aligned with Scripture. For example,

"A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."
- Ecclesiastes 4:12

Three strands of government (the executive, legislative, and judicial branches) were originally designed of equal length and strength, such that one would never overpower the other and thus weaken the whole. Unfortunately, the branches have grown increasingly more fragmented and independent with the change of time ...

But I digress.

Our founding fathers, having experienced religious oppression in Great Britain, circumscribed a system based on freedom, welcoming one and all beliefs on equal ground. America still stands today as a beacon of hope to many around the world because of the religious freedoms granted under the First Amendment to the Constitution.

We should be so lucky not to live in a country that forces a religious type down our throats. Nothing of the kind has occurred in the United States. At least, not yet. And if it does, do you truly think Christianity would be the catalyst? I mean, think about all the friends you know who claim Christ as their Lord. How do they interfere with your personal rights?


Looking back ...

Looking back through previous posts, I realize you must have experienced much turmoil over my viewpoints regarding the goings-on in the Middle East. I hope we can agree, it is a war over something. I would argue it is something intensely spiritual. And we are losing something in leaving.

I would encourage you to do some research into the Islamic faith. One book I would recommend -- even if you only pick it up for a quick scan at the bookstore -- is Ergun Mehmet Caner and Emir Fethi Caner's Unveiling Islam: An Insider's Look at Muslim Life and Beliefs.


Blind faith.

Born into a lighted world, we have never questioned the existence of the electron. Has anyone ever seen an electron? No instrument is fine-tuned enough, thus no one has. And yet we somehow have faith that in flipping a switch on the wall ... will invariably cause a reaction. We cannot see the electrons nor the reaction, so how do we know this occurs ... ? The light bulb in the ceiling fixture turns "on." How is this not also "blind" faith?

A faith untested and untried is not a blindness of mind. It is but the beginning. Naivety and ignorance give way to knowledge and understanding. Unless you earnestly seek the Lord while He may be found and find His hand outstretched, you are truly lost ... and the ways of infinite God become mere inconsistencies in your eyes. A mark of true faith is a hunger and thirst for Biblical knowledge.

The "pure" I spoke to denotes a refining fire. Precious metals found in nature are sent through a scorching blaze in order to separate the dross and procure something wholly invaluable, something beautiful. Something useful. And if "grown," then stretched and molded into a more "true" design, a stronger design.

This has been my life since August 4, 1989.

But, dear anonymous, I will leave such explanations for a later date ...

in the news.

As the end of one chapter in my life looms in the not-too-distant future, I turn my attention toward accomplishing new goals. Grad school calls! The plan as of now: begin classroom studies in Autumn/Winter Semester to receive my teaching credentials. Anyone's guess as to what I will do next ;) I will keep you updated. In the meanwhile, be on the lookout for a second Blogspot address. Kingfisher-style learning center in the works! If you don't know to what I am referring, just wait. You'll see!

Unfinished.

I am a good judge of character am I
I know who will listen, who will flee
But I'm not the type to sit quietly
Sit quietly, let an opportunity go by

Patience is a virtue never kept
In different company.

Here, hear I knew enough to never hit you broadside with my offensive faith,
A faith grown pure and true,
Hear, here I knew that if I spoke you could berate me; I would never get through;
But it's impossible to hate you.

I waited.
I remembered.
I will always remember.
I let the chance slip away.

And now I must explain myself.
And now must I explain myself?
I think not.
The Lord justifies me.
Me, 'bane of society,'
I may ask you -- what you believe?

And if my faith does not matter,
why you then take offense?
Simplest task, yet I falter ...
To you now, it will never matter.
I wish I were more brave ...

Tolerance is pressing in.
(Do I make you feel uncomfortable?)
Chills descend upon your skin.
I am not scared of you.
Nor what this world may do.

I'm not in the business.
(Isn't it easy to be comfortable?)
If I truly wanted success ...
would have been more tenacious.
When I had the chance.

But unaware are you.
(You must think I live in a bubble.)
Of what the Enemy can do.
Ask me about animosity,
My friend. Just ask me.

Yes you know who you are with your ideological ambiguities.
Textbook-proof.
Have you ever questioned dogmatic theories? Oh, tolerance!
Accept it, smiling.

Tuck it away for a rainy day --
you never know what might blind you.

My level of passion astounds you?
Your lack of the same appalls me.
I've seen it once, I've seen it twice: accept it all, unblinking.
"Tolerance, tolerance!"

But don't you tolerate Christianity.

The stuff is a myth, it's a danger to society.
How dare they. How about you?

Tolerance is pressing in.
(What about my faith terrifies you?)
Intolerant, "extremely polarizing"?

Repeat what others say --
obtuse, unchanging, circumscribed in black and white
no red may shed a dot --
bigoted
fanatical
narrow-minded
one-sided
arrogant
hysterical
"militant Christian ideology."

I've heard it all. I listen.

Here you have had your say, my friend.
And I will pray for you to the bitter end.

someone worth waiting for.

**[Buried Post, completed and published muuuch later than the actual date.]



I'm sure we've all been there before ...

... experiencing that ecstasy, that high we seem to immediately attribute to love.


what is LOVE?

I thought I finally understood what it meant to truly love a person. And by the world's standard, I did find love. A love that invaded my very soul and caused me to question, instead of working to confirm, my core beliefs. A love that asked more of me than I was willing to give. A love that burned hot, like a fire built on gasoline. And as with such fires, it ceased to burn just as quickly.

The world's standard be hanged. I have been loved -- since before I was woven together -- by an all-powerful, gracious heavenly Creator God and Father to whom I attribute every good and perfect thing.


cautionary message & thoughts on being single.

I wanted to set a little time apart from the rush of life, to write down a few things about what my future husband must have going on. Not as a 'dis' to previous boyfriends, but as a cautionary message to myself about the future and dating, as well as a reminder to the fact that being single is absolutely beautiful.

Seriously, it is. You don't believe me?

Well, it is. Paul expressed in I Corinthians 7:7-8, "I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am." He says some have the gift of marriage, others have the gift of singleness; marriage is not in God's plan for everyone.

It is easier to pursue your dreams uninhibited while single. While in a full-time, committed relationship, priorities change. My personal growth never stopped but I should tell you, love makes sacrifices. And while some compromise in relationships is a healthy and normal thing, at times, compromise can be very one-sided. The one-sided type of compromise only ends in heartache. I will always look back, internally regretting decisions I made along the way, just for the sake of love.

I could ramble on at this point.

As heartache is a sensitive issue connected here, I'll not go into it.

Instead, here is where I will launch into a "List of Things" that I will look for / pay close attention to in the future.


but first, the "why"

"But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." - I Corinthians 7:9

Note that this comes directly after the verses on being single?

Um, I'm not saying I don't have self-control. I'm just saying, I would love to be married and raise a God-honoring family, some day. Married to the right person, for the right reasons. All in God's timing, always.


the "must" list ...

My future husband must:

1) Love the Lord God above all else (including me), relying upon Him alone for every good thing. His life should be a reflection upon his beliefs. World's standard: self-centered, self-gratifying, self-righteous.

2) Be a spiritual leader. World's standard: apathetic, follower, concerned with the latest trends rather than the only Truth.

3) Love others before he loves himself. World's standard: self-love leads to love of others.

4) Be a servant leader (along the same lines as #2). World's standards: servants are not leaders; bragging, self-assured, cocky, without self-control or any other fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians).

5) Become a part of my family, honor and respect my parents and my sister as his own, and seek to love and please them by doing what is right by me. World's standards: look out for #1 (yourself), disrespect of family / authority.

6) Have moral boundaries. World's standards: do whatever feels good / right, despite the consequences; all that matters is that you enjoy what you are doing.

7) Value commitment and be trustworthy. Even and especially when not in my immediate presence, being mindful of his example to others and how he comes across to the opposite sex. World's standards: again, all about pleasing #1; it is okay to be a stumbling block to others because they know you are in a committed relationship and have boundaries of their own. (Doesn't ever work. Other girls can get emotionally attached without a guy realizing it ... and then there's problems!)

8) Support my dreams and goals, even as I support his. World's standards: selfish ambition that could overpower and overrun the other person's desires.


regarding "the list" & future edits.

Okay.

At this point, you're probably thinking ... "Goodness gracious. This is frightening!!! How in the world are you going to find a guy like that?"

Folks, I've barely touched on all the requirements I have ingrained in my mind. I have a comprehensive list ... these are just some of the major deciding factors for the future. Just in case y'all wonder :D

And yes. I'm fully aware that I will be dating and courting and eventually marrying a sinful, flawed creature. These are major guidelines that can be reasonably kept, though. As long as there is agreement.

*******In other words, these are the standards I choose to follow in a relationship as well. I can't expect to find a guy who already follows them if I don't also follow them! Without this list, the stage is set for disaster. As far as disaster goes, I have no desire for one. I've had my fair share thus far. Bad choices, worse mistakes. You get the drift. We don't need to go there; you can use your imagination.

Thus, I'm beginning with the end in mind. Marriage.


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To be added to in the future ...

Edit 1: April 1, 2010
Edit 2: May 11, 2010
Edit 3: June 25, 2010
Edit 4: November 6, 2010