shift of perspectives.

A few nights ago, everything was fine. I was great, in fact. But this thing loomed over me. Returning to Southern California. There's something here that just sets me on edge. Nothing goes "right," I doubt myself, I don't have my support net to fall back on, and my schedule is up in the air. I guess being out of one's comfort zone can be a negative thing. Past experience has dictated otherwise, so my confusion is complete.

Yesterday was terrible. Coming back to California -- I refuse to call this place home; it has granted neither comfort nor happiness -- was not something I desired. I have had better experiences during my time in Alaska. At least people in Alaska are friendly and genuinely care about your well-being.

I did not pack until the day before. Sure, I had an idea about what I wished to include in my suitcase, but to pack said suitcase days in advance would be retroactive. I've packed days in advance before, only to pull everything out and pack the night before. Brittany came by and kept me entertained with great conversation - but somehow nothing fit after she left, so I had to take everything out, pick and choose what to bring with me, and repack. When dinner was served and Ryan came by a little while later, I was probably only a fourth of my way into repacking. I felt bad but he was patient. I guess I was stalling -- I didn't want to leave. Our 6-month anniversary was the day I left, after all! Good grief.

Okay. Yesterday. Woke up Mom at 4:45am. We left and she dropped me off at the airport; it was a mad house. Airport security were counting heads and kept closing down TSA checkpoints because there were too many people on the floor at one time. I ended up running to my gate because TSA closed down the checkpoints closest to my gate. Slightly frustrating. Boarding is always easy for me and I don't mind flying, but I do get annoyed when it comes to getting OFF the plane. I called my roommate to pick me up from the FlyAway zone. No answer. Long story short, after spending my day (5am to 11am) traveling, it took TWO more hours before she called to tell me there had been a meeting at work. A friend from work picked me up instead. I got to the apartment at 3:30pm because we "had to" stop and eat.

I figured I would take a shower and rid myself of airplane grime before unpacking. It is day 2 and I still haven't unpacked. I probably won't fully unpack until this weekend; it's been nuts. Every time I go to open that silly bag, I get a call or something makes me cry. Wonderful being a girl, yes? Anyhow. Go to turn on my car: dead. Not okay. Roommate to the rescue -- twice, because I decided it would be okay to turn the thing off. Apparently, I should have let my car run for forty minutes, not the normal twenty. The rest of the day was colored by everything before ... and I went to bed around 1am today.

But today is worse. My grandmother was diagnosed with stomach cancer. Praying for effective chemo therapy and for rapid healing for her...the final potential result of this diagnosis puts everything in its proper place, doesn't it?

Life is short.