Letting go the reigns and other short musings.

Before I begin, I severe writer's block. I have not been able to script any of my thoughts lately because they have been a jumbled mess of unhappiness and ridiculous to boot. I don't think anyone need read such teenaged-drama. It's not fun to write either... Much like gossip, all it does is stir up more discontent and remorse.

But I have this need to write that supersedes my chaotic mental state.

I am very aware that lately, my walk with Christ has been playing a minor role as my attitude has grown worse toward people and situations outside my control. I've experienced anger and discontent, immediate sorrow, hatred, frustration, remorse, lightness of heart when things go my way... Eek. It's ugly.

I haven't liked being around me lately. And yet, at the same time, I double-face it and am nice, sweet, selfless with people I really care about. Wow. More to dislike. More to contemplate. More to grieve the Holy Spirit. I am a maze of anger brought on by things I feel are going wrong or are not "right."

In time I realize my problem is that verse... The one that plagues me lately? Yep that one. Proverbs 14:12... Which is mirrored in Proverbs 16:25.

"There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death."

Jesus, I love you. I trust you. And I relinquish control. I need you to take the part of me that fights you and nail it to the cross for good. You are the Lord of my life; I will follow where you lead.