Unfinished.

I am a good judge of character am I
I know who will listen, who will flee
But I'm not the type to sit quietly
Sit quietly, let an opportunity go by

Patience is a virtue never kept
In different company.

Here, hear I knew enough to never hit you broadside with my offensive faith,
A faith grown pure and true,
Hear, here I knew that if I spoke you could berate me; I would never get through;
But it's impossible to hate you.

I waited.
I remembered.
I will always remember.
I let the chance slip away.

And now I must explain myself.
And now must I explain myself?
I think not.
The Lord justifies me.
Me, 'bane of society,'
I may ask you -- what you believe?

And if my faith does not matter,
why you then take offense?
Simplest task, yet I falter ...
To you now, it will never matter.
I wish I were more brave ...

Tolerance is pressing in.
(Do I make you feel uncomfortable?)
Chills descend upon your skin.
I am not scared of you.
Nor what this world may do.

I'm not in the business.
(Isn't it easy to be comfortable?)
If I truly wanted success ...
would have been more tenacious.
When I had the chance.

But unaware are you.
(You must think I live in a bubble.)
Of what the Enemy can do.
Ask me about animosity,
My friend. Just ask me.

Yes you know who you are with your ideological ambiguities.
Textbook-proof.
Have you ever questioned dogmatic theories? Oh, tolerance!
Accept it, smiling.

Tuck it away for a rainy day --
you never know what might blind you.

My level of passion astounds you?
Your lack of the same appalls me.
I've seen it once, I've seen it twice: accept it all, unblinking.
"Tolerance, tolerance!"

But don't you tolerate Christianity.

The stuff is a myth, it's a danger to society.
How dare they. How about you?

Tolerance is pressing in.
(What about my faith terrifies you?)
Intolerant, "extremely polarizing"?

Repeat what others say --
obtuse, unchanging, circumscribed in black and white
no red may shed a dot --
bigoted
fanatical
narrow-minded
one-sided
arrogant
hysterical
"militant Christian ideology."

I've heard it all. I listen.

Here you have had your say, my friend.
And I will pray for you to the bitter end.

someone worth waiting for.

**[Buried Post, completed and published muuuch later than the actual date.]



I'm sure we've all been there before ...

... experiencing that ecstasy, that high we seem to immediately attribute to love.


what is LOVE?

I thought I finally understood what it meant to truly love a person. And by the world's standard, I did find love. A love that invaded my very soul and caused me to question, instead of working to confirm, my core beliefs. A love that asked more of me than I was willing to give. A love that burned hot, like a fire built on gasoline. And as with such fires, it ceased to burn just as quickly.

The world's standard be hanged. I have been loved -- since before I was woven together -- by an all-powerful, gracious heavenly Creator God and Father to whom I attribute every good and perfect thing.


cautionary message & thoughts on being single.

I wanted to set a little time apart from the rush of life, to write down a few things about what my future husband must have going on. Not as a 'dis' to previous boyfriends, but as a cautionary message to myself about the future and dating, as well as a reminder to the fact that being single is absolutely beautiful.

Seriously, it is. You don't believe me?

Well, it is. Paul expressed in I Corinthians 7:7-8, "I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am." He says some have the gift of marriage, others have the gift of singleness; marriage is not in God's plan for everyone.

It is easier to pursue your dreams uninhibited while single. While in a full-time, committed relationship, priorities change. My personal growth never stopped but I should tell you, love makes sacrifices. And while some compromise in relationships is a healthy and normal thing, at times, compromise can be very one-sided. The one-sided type of compromise only ends in heartache. I will always look back, internally regretting decisions I made along the way, just for the sake of love.

I could ramble on at this point.

As heartache is a sensitive issue connected here, I'll not go into it.

Instead, here is where I will launch into a "List of Things" that I will look for / pay close attention to in the future.


but first, the "why"

"But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." - I Corinthians 7:9

Note that this comes directly after the verses on being single?

Um, I'm not saying I don't have self-control. I'm just saying, I would love to be married and raise a God-honoring family, some day. Married to the right person, for the right reasons. All in God's timing, always.


the "must" list ...

My future husband must:

1) Love the Lord God above all else (including me), relying upon Him alone for every good thing. His life should be a reflection upon his beliefs. World's standard: self-centered, self-gratifying, self-righteous.

2) Be a spiritual leader. World's standard: apathetic, follower, concerned with the latest trends rather than the only Truth.

3) Love others before he loves himself. World's standard: self-love leads to love of others.

4) Be a servant leader (along the same lines as #2). World's standards: servants are not leaders; bragging, self-assured, cocky, without self-control or any other fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians).

5) Become a part of my family, honor and respect my parents and my sister as his own, and seek to love and please them by doing what is right by me. World's standards: look out for #1 (yourself), disrespect of family / authority.

6) Have moral boundaries. World's standards: do whatever feels good / right, despite the consequences; all that matters is that you enjoy what you are doing.

7) Value commitment and be trustworthy. Even and especially when not in my immediate presence, being mindful of his example to others and how he comes across to the opposite sex. World's standards: again, all about pleasing #1; it is okay to be a stumbling block to others because they know you are in a committed relationship and have boundaries of their own. (Doesn't ever work. Other girls can get emotionally attached without a guy realizing it ... and then there's problems!)

8) Support my dreams and goals, even as I support his. World's standards: selfish ambition that could overpower and overrun the other person's desires.


regarding "the list" & future edits.

Okay.

At this point, you're probably thinking ... "Goodness gracious. This is frightening!!! How in the world are you going to find a guy like that?"

Folks, I've barely touched on all the requirements I have ingrained in my mind. I have a comprehensive list ... these are just some of the major deciding factors for the future. Just in case y'all wonder :D

And yes. I'm fully aware that I will be dating and courting and eventually marrying a sinful, flawed creature. These are major guidelines that can be reasonably kept, though. As long as there is agreement.

*******In other words, these are the standards I choose to follow in a relationship as well. I can't expect to find a guy who already follows them if I don't also follow them! Without this list, the stage is set for disaster. As far as disaster goes, I have no desire for one. I've had my fair share thus far. Bad choices, worse mistakes. You get the drift. We don't need to go there; you can use your imagination.

Thus, I'm beginning with the end in mind. Marriage.


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To be added to in the future ...

Edit 1: April 1, 2010
Edit 2: May 11, 2010
Edit 3: June 25, 2010
Edit 4: November 6, 2010